2006: Freedom in the rearview mire

It's time to play "Year in Review," that game beloved by the MSM (that's cybersay for mainstream media) because, come the new year, journalist types are hung over, bored, unimaginative, and generally find it easier to dig through old headlines than to write something original.

No difference here. So, from a hungover, bored, unimaginative libertarian point of bleary view, here's looking at 2006 in the rearview mire:

January – Missouri researchers found the world's largest known prime number. It's 9.1 million digits long, or 2 to the 30,402,457th power minus 1, and is named M30402457. An accountingcrat at the Office of Budget Management immediately demanded that the federal government seize the number. "We need it to track the deficit," the green eyeshade crat declared.

February - British Prime Minister Tony Blair declared himself to be "the most libertarian and accountable prime minister" compared to his predecessors. Based on this logic, American libertarians declared Mickey Mouse an aardvark, watermelon a marsupial, and the existence of Great Britain as an urban myth.

March – In arguments before the US Supreme Court, Democrats called Texas' 2003 redistricting "an egregious partisan power grab that violated the Constitution and federal law." They didn't mention that the gerrymandering was no different from what Democrats did to Republicans for decades when they controlled the state, and is no different from what they'll do in the future when the political thug-of-war swings back in their favor again.

April – Attorney General Alberto Gonzales demanded that websites posting sexually explicit material display warning labels on their pages or risk being imprisoned. Libertarians demanded that congresscrats passing unconstitutional laws display warning labels on their bills or risk being impeached.

May – The House approved criminal penalties and fines of up to $150 million for energy companies caught price gouging as lawmakers responded to public anger over high gasoline prices and huge oil industry profits. Since, according to the Tax Foundation, "Local, State and Federal Gas Taxes Consume 45.9 Cents Per Gallon on Average," libertarians are eagerly holding their breath awaiting criminal penalties and fines for lawmakers caught tax gouging as a response to public anger over high tax-thieving profits.

June – Quote from Commander Charles Heal of the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department: "There's no place in an urban environment that you can go to right now that you're not being looked at with a video camera and you have nothing to fear from your own government – you are being watched by your fellow citizens." Others who had nothing to fear from being watched by their fellow citizens from their own government lived in Nazi Germany, Fascist Italy, Red China, Soviet Union, Pol Pot's Cambodia, Castro's Cuba …

July – House congresscrats passed victimless crime legislation that effectively outlawed online gambling, but exempted state-run lotteries and horse racing. Translation: Don't outlaw the cookie jar where your own fingers play.

August – A polygamist on the FBI's Most Wanted List was arrested in Las Vegas. Other fearsome Top Ten FBI fugitives include a jaywalker, a litterbug, an indoor smoker, and a ten-year-old unlicensed lemonade stand "street dealer."

September – Hundreds gathered on the shores of Lake Champlain in Vermont in "perhaps the largest demonstration against climate change yet in the country." Future plans call for rallies to stop volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, tsunamis and persistent drizzle.

October – FEMA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency that couldn't manage the Katrina emergency is making up for its former follies by spending unknown quantities of taxbucks to paint white propane stove knobs red in 100,000 government-issue trailers so residents can tell the difference between igniter knobs and burner knobs. All because of four trailer fires. Apparently, trailer dwellers aren't expected to be responsible for themselves.

November – Back before the 2004 presidential elections, researchers at Emory University used functional neuroimaging (fMRI) to monitor the brain activity of diehard Republicans and Democrats who were asked to evaluate threats against their pet candidates. The researchers reported that the parts of the brain engaged in rational thinking remained inactive, but "What we saw instead was a network of emotion circuits lighting up." Note to Libertarian Party: don’t throw logic at voters; get touchy-feely with them.

December – Former mayor Ben Cooper of Appalachia, a tiny Virginia coal town, was convicted of 243 felonies, including stealing election records, forging ballots, violating voting rights, voting early and often, and buying votes with beer, cigarettes and pork rinds. While the judge may sentence him to prison, the major political parties view these activities as placing Cooper on the fast track for higher office.