Support Your Local Chiropractor

If the laying on of hands worked for Jesus, it's okay by me

Not that I'm looking for miracles.  As a man of science and reason, from early in my adult life I've been inclined to view so-called alternative medicine with a skeptical eye.

But when a techwriter colleague of mine extolled the abilities of his newly visited chiropractor to fix his severe longstanding neck pain, I thought I'd drop in for a free evaluation.

Dr. Emma has a relatively new practice in SE Michigan and after a few years of hard work seems to be turning the corner.  She, along with her trustworthy assistant Sarah, are what we call, using highly technical terminology, three-sigma eye candy.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  It's what's inside that counts.

And inside her office is a complete facility for evaluating your neuroskeletal situation and administering routine TLC in a fully scientific manner.  Chiropractic, like massage, has a long healthful history and, after decades of struggle for respect in the US, seems to have been fully validated by several recent studies.

As with massage, I highly value testimonials for picking practitioners who work on my body—particularly, if they crack necks and backs.  Dr. Emma—her last name is a zinger—is a diminutive woman, who generates enough effortless power from her 102-pound frame to easily manipulate people two or three times bigger.  Like the joke about the guy who fixes a machine with one blow of a hammer, you pay for knowing where to hit the machine.

Dr. E has a good background with sports professionals, at one time having been a lead chiropractor for a professional football team.  We start by talking about ourselves, and then how chiropractic works, and what she can do for me.  The first visit includes Xrays and an evaluation.  I'm not really too messed up, she informs me in so many words; and the preferred program is three visits a week for umpty-ump weeks.

Price?  Doesn't seem too bad, something on the order of one large.  [$1k  —Ed.]

So that's how this works, huh?  Fair enough.  Dr. E is very open with the principles of the chiropractic concept of better health.  Fundamentally, most human beings are not perfectly aligned skeletally, especially in the curvature of the spine and neck.  When, say, a vertebra is offline, not in its ideal spot for a long time, nerves are affected—nervous energy is impeded or distorted.

Since nerves from the spine travel to every organ of the body, it makes sense that organic dysfunction, certainly pain, can prevail in any given system as a consequence of misalignment.  What a skilled practitioner—skill is important, not all chiropractors are created equal—does is manipulate your structure to promote better energy flow to affected systems.

In my case, probably the most common situation, I experience pain in my rear sinews.  [lower back  —Ed.]

Every year my lower left back "goes out," by which I mean I'll be standing up or watching TV or doing anything, and all of a sudden there's a spike of pain and it becomes difficult to put my socks on for a week.  I walk like an old man.

When I first go to Dr. E, this recurring lower back deal is every six months or so.

Embarrassingly, I discuss its origins:

When I worked in the cannon (military aerospace) business, we had vendors in Ohio I would visit as an engineer—oil coolers, oil pumps, filters, other accessories—and do specification reviews, test reviews, things of that nature.  Twenty-five years ago, I was in Columbus with a QA guy doing some cooler tests, then afterward we'd let off some steam.

This was during the Urban Cowboy days, and most of the hillbilly bars had a mechanical bull you could ride provided you signed a waiver.  I remember the night as clear as an Oregon coastal fog:  We were in a place called Screamin' Willie's, where QA Eddie is more or less a regular.  This is my PHD (period of heavy drinking) stage, and I'm pounding brewskis like there's no tomorrow.

Pretty soon, it's 1:30 a.m. with last call threatening.  Liquid courage tells me, "How hard can it be to hang on to a mechanical bull?  Hell, even that pantywaist actor John Travolta can do it."

"Edddreew, hey, haaylp mah sing, er snick, er sign, thisss waatere… waaaver…  ummm 'kay?"

So, despite Ed warning me this wasn't as easy as it looked in the movies, I manage to sign the waiver and climb aboard.  The power starts.  A nanosecond later, I'm launched like a child's discarded action figure straight to the padded floor.  I don't remember how I landed, too plastered to feel any pain.  But when I woke up next day, I could scarcely get out of bed.  The secretary at the plant asked if I wanted an ambulance.

So that's the origin of my back problem.  Some people put on too many pounds and don't stretch properly.  Some get liquored up and thrown off dangerous contrivances.

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I really shouldn't be so glib.  A lot of people have accidents that aren't self-inflicted, such as my masseuse who was in a rollover car crash and my cousin (a bonafide orthopedic surgeon no less) some teenager ran his hotrod into.  The good news is chiropractic, i.e. skilled practice thereof, has substantial success in treating the pain and restoring people into satisfactory alignment.  For me, the injuries would not prevent a full recovery.

Still, Dr. E informs me that my recurring thrown back would get more and more frequent until it could freeze up catastrophically, I guess meaning surgery.  (The most serious limitations of conventional medicine are a) the only time they touch you is with a knife and b) they're pushers.)  Well, different strokes for different folks.  I'm totally converted to the laying on of hands as a first line of health care.

Which means, while I don't think chiropractic is the health panacea (cure all) some practitioners advocate, it's sure good enough for routine resolution of life's bumps and bends.  Because of the immediate financial situation, I go to Dr. E every other week on a preventive basis (as opposed to fully correcting the problem).  It's $25.00 a fix, and that is a good deal by any standard.

For people who have had back pain, or may even live with it chronically, you know how wonderful it is to be free of it.  For me, it's been one year now without a hint of recurrence of the pain.  Other benefits accrue from the adjustment process, too.  Mainly, facilitating that creative energy flow I've mentioned in this space from time to time.

IMHO(1), massage, chiropractic, and yoga/meditation—as well as other forms of self-discovery—go hand in hand.

Combined with rational philosophy we have a prescription for stardom.