The Goon-With-a-Gat Gambit

The classic clichÉ of criminality is the gun-gripping goon who growls, "Your money or your life." Contrary to his words, he's not offering you a choice. He's using the threat of coercion to eliminate all other choices. Absent the gun, your logical response would be "Neither."

Pundits and politicos alike love to shove this goon-with-a-gat gambit at us. But, being thugs in suits, they call it "framing the debate."

(Note to younger, public school uneducated readers -- "gat" is 1940s hard-boiled detective novel/film noire lingo for "gun.")

Framing the debate is the technique of offering the public a choice between a one-size-fits-all government mandated bad choice and an already existing worse choice on the theory that you'll settle for the bad choice that they want you to settle for.

As an example, take David Nelson. And take him and take him and take him. That's what the FBI has been doing. Because someone named David Nelson appears on a terrorist watch list, every David Nelson in the nation trying to enter an airliner gets the VIP treatment -- violated, interrogated, and probed. That includes the most famous David Nelson, the one who appeared on the "Ozzie and Harriet Show" with his family.

(Note to younger readers -- that was in the 50s and 60s.)

Larry Ellison of Oracle software has a goon-and-gat choice for the terrorist problem -- either another September 11 attack or a national ID card.

Put aside for a moment the obvious unintended consequences of enumerating everybody. Identity fraud is a growth industry in America. Thieves must be licking their chops at the prospect. Why steal Social Security and drivers license and credit card numbers if the government will be offering one-stop-shopping piracy? And how, exactly, do you catch a terrorist with a legal-looking black market national ID card?

There are other choices. Suppose we abolish all victimless crimes but leave our policing manpower at current levels? Overnight we'd have the resources to track down violent criminals, including potential terrorists. Of course, numbering everyone would be more convenient for the cops, but so would tattooing a bar code on everyone's forehead at birth. Law enforcers are supposed to do actual police work, not look for a convenient way out.

James Anderson has a similar David Nelson problem. Sheriff's deputies in Florida hauled him off to the hoosegow for a six-day stay because another James Anderson was wanted on a thirty-year-old marijuana possession charge. Another gangster with a gun justification for a national ID card? How about ending the drug war instead? If we're serious about tracking down terrorists, let's track down terrorists. Get real. How many people-packed buildings is an old hippie going to blow up?

Here's another thug-in-a-suit "framing the debate" non-choice we're currently being offered. Tim Russert of Meet the Press echoed other pundits and politicos when he proposed his solution to the deteriorating situation in Iraq: bring back the military draft.

Other choices? Get out of Iraq. Get out of Afghanistan. Get out of Europe, where 116,000 troops are defending the Western World from invasion by the Soviet Union and send those troops to the Middle East. (Note to really younger readers and inattentive military planners: the Berlin Wall fell in 1989) The Army alone has 370,000 troops in 120 countries. Can't we send some of them to Iraq instead of forcing more Americans into khaki, or are we scared to death that Djibouti might attack Eritrea without our permission? And, once again, end the war on drugs and bring our troops home from Columbia.

Sometimes these My Way or the Highway choices can backfire. The answer to the hoodlum with the heater (yes, 1940s again) might be to whip out your own concealed carry and spit lead. Said one of the detained David Nelsons, "I haven't flown again. It's not worth it. We're thinking about driving." Said the mouthpiece for the wrong James Anderson: "Ultimately a lawsuit will be served."

So what do you think might have happened when the Leader of the World's Only Remaining Superpower declared on his march toward war with Iraq, "you are either with me or against me."? Maybe that persuaded millions of otherwise nonmilitant Muslims to line up behind their boy bin Laden. Bush offered them no other choices.

Sometimes it's not smart to back people into a corner. Sometimes it's smarter to allow them all of their choices and let them use their beans.

(Note to older readers: "bean" is gansta rap for "brain.")