Big Media's Rent-a-Pundits

When does a pundit become a fundit? When he or she becomes a paid puppet for the politicalcrats. When they're funded fraudsters of the Federalcrats. When they pocket political plunder to pitch partisan policies.

First it was Armstrong Williams, "a prominent black pundit," who scooped up $240,000 of Bush Administration taxbucks to promote No Child Left Behind on his nationally syndicated TV show. In his own defense, Williams allegedly claimed that he would have done it for free because he really really believed in it. No harm, no foul.

Next came the news that syndicated columnist Maggie Gallagher had 21,500 of our taxbucks stealthily slithered into her cupped hand for encouraging marriage. As she opined in National Review Online, "The Bush marriage initiative would emphasize the importance of marriage to poor couples," which means, apparently, that poor couples are also stupid couples who would never think of getting married unless the Bushies bribed Maggie to tell them to. In her own defense, Gallagher allegedly claimed that she would have done it for free because she really really believed in it. No harm, no foul.

Following closely on the heels of these heels were:

(1) David Corn's Capital Games column headlined "Armstrong Williams: I Am Not Alone" in which Corn quotes Williams as warbling, "This happens all the time" and "There are others."

(2) WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush ordered his Cabinet secretaries Wednesday not to hire columnists to promote administration agendas.

(3) NY Times: The Bush Bunch's Department of Health and Human Servicecrats paid syndicated columnist Michael McManus $10,000 to help train counselors about marriage. In his own defense, McManus allegedly claimed that he would have done it for free because he really really believed in it. No harm, no foul.

(No mention whether McManus felt like a chump because he settled for chump change compared to his fellow grifters.)

All of which raises a very simple question in my mind: Where's my money?

As all three members of my vast readership can attest, I've repeatedly sung the praises of our political potentates. Why, just the other year I was blathering blissfully to our citizenry at large exactly Why I Love the IRS. Since I frequently change tax preparers, I propounded, I get to meet new people. Nostalgia was another nicety. As onetime editor of the Minnesota Libertarian, I got to publish those cool tax protest photos every year. But my truly inspiring praise for the IRS was this phrase: "April 15 is an annual reminder of why I'm still a libertarian after all these years."

Such egregious puffery should certainly warm the cold hearts of the Internal Revenue Serpents. At least to the tune of a couple thousand tax-smackers, wouldn't you think?

And then there was that time in 2003 when I reported how Celebrities Don't Do Jail because our judges joyously protect our prized public heroes from becoming prison fodder for the incarceration industry, unlike the rest of us crude commoners. Oscar-nominated actor Robert Downey Jr., I wrote, was awarded probation for speeding with cocaine, crack, heroin and a pistol in his car, while a two-tour Vietnam vet was sentenced to 27 months for puffing pot to relieve his post-traumatic disorder. All-Star horsehide slugger Darryl Strawberry was honored with a sixth trip to a treatment center rather than a prison cell after five times previously violating the terms of his release from previous treatment programs following a drug possession conviction, while libertarian writer/activist Peter McWilliams died when he couldn't keep his aids meds down after a Federal judge took away his California-legal medical marijuana. As I wrote at the time, "Way to go, judicial genius."

So why wasn't I paid a couple hundred thou by the Justice Department for my article?

And just a mere three months ago I was excitedly Speaking of chaos, in my role as a Ft. Worth Star-Telegram Community Columnist, on the exemplary example of our Kevlar-clad storm troopers, how they invade our homes, roust us out of bed, ransack our residences even when they have the wrong address, all for the purpose of protecting us from voluntarily ingesting voluntarily purchased substances into our very own personal bodies.

So when can I expect my blood money from the DEA-holes?

Of course, I really don't want my fellow taxpayer's money. In my own defense, I'd do it for free because I really really believe in it.

All harm, all foul.