"Aha!" I squawked as I read the Washington Times headline: "Bush to wage ideological campaign." Now, once and for all, we'll find out exactly what's so different between these Republicans and Democrats. I eagerly skimmed over the hors d'oeuvres, seeking the sirloin:

" . . . offer voters a stark choice between liberalism and conservatism."

" . . . a very clear choice on the issues . . . "

"This election will represent a clear choice, an ideological choice on the issues."

"The ideological differences between Mr. Bush and Democratic candidate Sen. John Kerry . . . "

"The Bush campaign's effort to play up the ideological differences between the president and the Massachusetts senator . . . "

And that was it. All bun, no beef. Not one example of ideological differences. Not a single sampling of dissimilitude. Nary a representative remark to distinguish the two.

Nothing. Nada. Nil. Naught. Nix. Nuttin Honey.

Was there really an ideological difference, then, or did everyone just assume that there was?

How is it that elephant President Bush who lied us into a Persian Gulf war is more admirable than donkey President Johnson who lied us into a Tonkin Gulf war?

What good is a Republican Party that defeats Hillarycare in the 1990s only to support piecemeal Republican Hillarycare today in the form of taxpayer subsidized prescription drugs for seniors?

What is the difference between President Bush's conservative collectivist redistribution plan called "Faith-based Initiative" and the scores of liberal collectivist redistribution plans with similar high-minded names?

Somewhere, I reasoned, there had to be a simple us-and-them comparison, a "they believe that but we believe this" schematic. It didn't take long to find one by Googling the Net.

The first two columns in the grid below are exactly as I found them on the New York Christian Coalition web site. The "Liberalism" column appears to be accurate, although liberals of all species will trip over themselves to spin each item with PC euphemisms to cover their true intentions. And the "Conservatism" column represents only the deep right field near the foul pole ultra-right Christian Coalition species of conservatism.

For educational purposes, the column on the far right is my own added dose of reality.

LIBERALISM

CONSERVATISM

REAL POLITICIANS

Basic Philosophy: Socialism

Basic Philosophy: Liberty

Basic Philosophy: Power

Government Control

Individual Control

We control governments and individuals

Highest Authority: Man's Law

Highest Authority: God's Law

Highest Authority: us

Life is an evolutionary accident

Life is a sacred gift from God

Life is a bowl of pork barrel cherries, paid for by you

The government is parent of the people

The government is servant of the people

The government and the people serve us

Government controls people

People control government

Politicians control both

Centralized federal control

Local community control

We control everything

Fosters competition between groups and races

Sees all as Americans, equal under the law

Play off conservatives and liberals against each other

Always looking to increase size of government

Believes big government leads to abuse and tyranny

Believes big government leads to big government

Government needs more of your money to take care of you

People need more of their own money to take care of themselves, their families and their communities.

Politicians always need more of your money to take care of our power needs, ego needs and mistress needs

Government can solve human problems

People working together solve human problems

Politicians always have all of the answers. Trust us.

Family is whoever the government says is family including same-sex couples

God defines family. Marriage is the union between one male and one female.

Family is that saucy little intern that my window-dressing family back home doesn't know about

The verbiage on the web site that precedes this table is truly quixotic. First it cries, "It does matter who you vote for this November. I believe it matters more than any other time in the history of our nation." Okay. I've heard this every four years forever, from baby diapers to adult diapers. Somehow, nothing ever seems to change.

This is followed by: "The choice will not be between two politicians with two sets of promises neither intends to keep." If that's true, which of course it is, what exactly is the point of the table?

The hand basket in which the country is going to Hell is a bipartisan container.

Why conservatives of all breeds never seem to get this is way beyond me. Or is it just that conservatives hanker after their own brand of socialism?

Vote Libertarian. Or don't vote at all.

(The original table was stolen from http://www.nychristiancoalition.org/Liberalism%20Chart.htm)

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Garry is a prolific writer and many more of his works may be found at:

• Loose Cannon Libertarian - A twice-monthly e-column of political and social issues with a hardcore libertarian attitude