Anyone can hog headlines by running for president. John Kerry is merely the latest master media manipulator to do so by announcing that he's not.

Senate Majority Leadercrat Bill Frist not only rejected a 2008 bid for the White House, but is also retiring from politics altogether after serving 12 years as promised. The announcement stunned libertarians who noted that Frist actually served 12 years in the Senate after pledging to serve no more than 12 years in the Senate. Still, others have pointed out that the Tennessee pol remains under investigation by the Securities and Exchange Commission for insider trading. Rumors persist that Martha Stewart's old bunk is still available.

Frist was preceded by other notable dropouts, such as Former Virginia governcrat Mark Warner who made his own non-news headline in October. Warner's announcement stunned a growing mob of political consultants, advisors, donors and sycophants in Virginia who were counting on riding the Democrat's coattails into DC where it would have been their turn to siphon lavish amounts of lobbyist money and misappropriated taxpayer booty into their own pockets. While Warner claimed that a presidential campaign would "interfere with his family life," national polls had indicated that there would have been no interference at all, since he consistently ranked way up there with 1 or 2 percent of the electorate.

Senatecrat Russ Feingold wasted newspaper ink in November. The Wisconsin Democrat's reason for deciding not to run for president was that he already has power as a senator with "significant seniority," and could better advance the Democrat Party's major agenda of lusting for power, regaining power, keeping power, wielding power, and becoming ever more corrupted by power by flexing his own power in the new Senate. Feingold is best known as the second banana of the McCain-Feingold Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act of 2002, promptly re-christened the Incumbent Protection Act by libertarians because the act empowers already powerful officeholders while stripping power from challengers. Just before the 2006 mid-term elections, congress.org listed Feingold 67th in their power rankings. Clearly, the professional powercrat has much more power-grabbing to do.

The great thing about yanking one's hat from the ring is that it's eminently democratic; anyone can do it.

Local Florida lawmaker Mark Foley has withdrawn his name from consideration for the 2008 presidential nomination, his hometown newspaper reported recently. "It's just no use," Councilman Foley complained. "Everyone thinks I'm that other Mark Foley who solicited underage congressional pages in Washington DC and then blamed it on alcoholism." Foley repeatedly grumbled that, "my campaign just can't overcome that other Mark Foley's name recognition factor." While Congressman Mark Foley is gay, a Roman Catholic and reportedly had internet sex with a boy, Local Lawmaker Mark Foley assured his constituents that he's just a normal all-American politician. "I have sex with female prostitutes, take bribes from special interests and spend taxpayer's money on illegal junkets to Aspen," he cheerfully reassured everyone.

Meanwhile, in Lower Measleyborough, Louisiana, Mrs. L.C. Ledbetter formally announced that her common law husband, Mr. L.C. Ledbetter, will not be running for president on the Patriotic Picayune Party ticket in 2008. "He's jist gotta git thet dadburned front porch railin' fixed afore it rots off an' falls to the ground," declared the campaign's treasurer, political advisor and media handler Mrs. L.C. Ledbetter. While neither the bi-monthly Backwater Bugle nor the 15 watt "Voice of Whoopingcough County" radio station sent a reporter to the hastily convened news conference, the story was eventually covered in depth in the Sunday school program of the Holy United Southern Reformed Synod Evangelical People's Church and Feed Store of East Measleyborough.

Finally, Sylvia Malpymple recently posted this on her MySpace blog: "Hey everyone i cant run for president of the USA in 2008 cuz i met really cute M & he wants to be my BF." When one of the two people listed in her Friends Space texted, "U have to B 35 y/o to run for pres anyway so GL with that," Ms. Malpymple was forced to reevaluate her options. Her current About Me Blurb is, "Syl Malpymple 1st F pres of USA in 2028!!!!"

And this Insider Info just in: President Bush was rehearsing his "won't seek nomination" speech when an aide pointed out that the Constitution doesn't allow him another term anyway. Visibly miffed, the President threatened to issue yet another Signing Statement, which he claims allows him to ignore the Constitution, so he can announce that it's his own idea not to run again.