The Magic Flute

The last time I scoured my oven I was listening to my CDs of Mozart's Don Giovanni. I kept seeing Clinton's face and personae in this character. Reference my last article.

This lovely Sunday morning it was time to do it once more and I chose Mozart's Magic Flute to accompany me.

This, the last of Mozart's operas, is just plain fun and games. It opens with our hero, Tamino being chased by a fire-breathing dragon. He faints with fear (Tamino, not the dragon) when three magic ladies appear and slay him. (The dragon not our hero). As three women often do, they get into an argument about who will report this to the Queen of the Night and off they go. A silly looking baritone dressed like a bird wanders into the scene and decides to claim that he invented the Internet and he slayed the dragon all at the same time. It seems he smoked a lot of pot when he was in college and not only lost his mate but his memory as well. The three women return and install a lock on our birdman's mouth or beak, it all depends on the costumer.

The three ladies fawn over our handsome, but weak hero and get him back on his feet. They show him a photo of the daughter of the Queen and it's love at first sight!! All is well with the world until the hold bitch herself floats onto the stage. My God, it's Hillary! who decides to use Tamino to help her in a devious plan.

Her daughter is being held hostage in Miami by the evil Sarastro. Hillary tells Tamino that if he can get Reno to help get her daughter back he can have her (the daughter, not the Queen).

The three ladies remove the birdman's lock and tell him he must help Tamino find Pamina and the missing emails. The ladies give some magic bells to Papagano and a magic flute to Tamino, and off they all go.

We go through the search for Sarastro, which proves longer than previously planned. Obviously there was no help from the Liberal press. We find Pamina being molested by Monostatos (a mafia henchman on the government payroll). Just as the scene gets interesting, Hillary shows up raving and ranting at her daughter and demands that Pamina kill Sarastro. Pamina is stunned this idea, but knowing that it must be politically correct to obey her mother, agrees, sort of. When Sarastro appears Pamina softens. Sarastro calms her and assures her that he is a good and kind man.

As they all go in search of each other, Tamino and Pamina actually meet and fall desperately in love (I did explain that this was a fantasy, didn't I?). They kiss goodbye and everyone runs around crying and whining in perfect Mozart style. God! It's beautiful!!

Papagano has decided he can't go on any more. Everything has fallen in on him. He hasn't found the missing emails, his income from the Buddhist's fund raiser has been called illegal, and his friends have deserted him and his poll numbers are down. Just as he is about to hang himself he remembers the magic bells. Lo and behold! a Papagena (girl/bird) enters the stage. Love, love, love at last! Papagena has been cured of her depression and Papageno has conquered his fear of the Love Canal story.

I have a question for Mozart in the last scene. Did he really hate women? He wrote an aria for the Queen of the Night that is nearly impossible to sing. I have always felt that Mozart wrote it with a "see if you can sing this, you miserable shrew!" The aria is a royal temper tantrum against men in general and Sarastro in particular. Sarastro, it turns out is a kind and good man, and may be Pamina's father. I have forgotten whether he is or not, I may have to ask Matt Drudge. All the lovers are reunited as is always the case with fantasies.

Sarastro declares good over evil, light over darkness. The Queen is defeated and moves out of New York.

This may be the only opera ever written where all the characters actually live to the finale. Oh no! I forgot the dragon, don't tell PETA.