The Freedom Calendar

Do you know what month it is? No, just knowing the calendar name of the month isn't enough. You need to know what Month the month is.

December, for example, and for real, depending on which calendar you look at, on which website, is, among other things, Hi Neighbor Month, National Stress-free Family Holidays Month, and Learn a Foreign Language Month, the latter of which should not be allowed to spill over into January which is Walk Your Pet Month, the poor critter having already waited for you since last January as it is.

Nobody knows who names these Months other than the Month-namers themselves. What is known is that many of these Months are fraught with self-serving special interest social, political and cultural over- and undertones.

Apparently, anyone can name a month a Month. So, as an expression of rebellion against the desire of both the political Left and Right to use the coercive power of government as a bludgeon to force its own agenda down the gullets of everyone else, this article introduces a new public service:

The Liberty-Lovers Strike a Blow for Freedom Every Month Calendar

January – Second Chance to Observe National Bill of Rights Month, since virtually all sheep-like public school educated Americans, having no clue what a Bill of Rights is, ignored Bill of Rights Day in December.

February – National Anti Drug War Month. Celebrate by getting your buddies together and dressing up like ninjas, then bash in the door of a SWAT cop at three AM, shoot his pot-sniffing dog, scream words you've heard on TV cop shows like "Freeze!" and "Hands on your heads!" and "Chew carpet, Punk!" and in general rip up the house and just terrorize the living bejesus out of the whole family before saying "Oops, wrong house" and leaving.

March – National Anti Class Warfare Month which dishonors people who make their living mouthing tiresome Politically Correct liberal and conservative platitudes on endlessly repetitious cable news channels instead of holding honest jobs.

April – National Mentally Challenged Set-Aside Month for people who get all their opinions from endlessly repetitious cable news channels and have therefore lost the ability to think for themselves.

May – Taunt a Gun Control Nut Month. Rub a printout of the Supreme Court Second Amendment ruling in the face of a hoplophobe and snarl "Nya nya nya."

June – Dress Up Like a Tree and Hug a Tree Hugger Month. It confuses the bejesus out of them.

July – Support Medical Marijuana Month by giving free pot to the suffering loved ones of Obnoxious Drug Warriors and then watch the drug warriors flip-flop on the issue like hooked trout.

August – Dress Up Like a Pet and Walk a Human Month, because it confuses the bejesus out of PETA.

September – Get Off Your Butt and Google It Month. Look things up on the net that you don't have a clue about, like what a hoplophobe is or how to tell the difference between a coercive Republican political agenda and a coercive Democrat political agenda.

October – National Watching Britney Spears to See What She's Wearing Month because it's so much easier than trying to figure out serious stuff like if a government "Stimulus Package" can really stimulate the economy by giving our own tax money back to us why in hell don't they just let us keep it in the first place?

November – National Carbon Offset Month, which celebrates a popular con game in which the super rich can keep polluting the planet with their corporate jetsetting by swapping carbon coupons back and forth while the rest of us are systematically regulated back into the stone age.

December – National Thank a Libertarian Month, which honors those people on both the political Left and Right who are trying to save you from a total socialist collectivist fascist police state anthill society even though you still don’t get it.