Part 2: Politically correct wine reviews for the holidays (satire)

The holiday season is full of fun, family, festivities and, sadly, political correctness.

Not only do we question which wine is correct for the occasion but we continue our angst over who we are and where we belong in the grand political-social-cultural scheme of things

With all this in mind, the following wine reviews are presented as a public service for those needing guidance through the vineyards of life.

(Caution: all wines on this list should be tasted with a palate thoroughly cleansed and a tongue firmly thrust into cheek.)

Fruit of the Bloom (Girlie Girl Grapevine Vintners) A fruity foo-foo feminine Frontignac bursting with pungent herbal flavors, nuances of potpourri, floral notes and herbal aromas reposing shy on the nose. Perfect choice for a gentleman on a cheap date with a chippy swathed in sensual musk eagerly awaiting the pop of her cork.

Lance et Bruce (Gayfellers Cellars) A limp wine featuring definite fruity notes, spicy yet demure, with a hint of playful gooseberry. Vibrant, it fills the mouth with superior length. It's rich and creamy flavors spread broadly across the palate for a firm, fruity finish. Aromas of nosegay make this the perfect companion of succulent tenderloins and butt steaks.

Biomass Blanc (Sustainable Vineyards) Lovingly hand pressed from free-range green grapes grown on vertical slopes to minimize the carbon footprint, this recycled Riesling captures the true meaning of au naturale with its pungent hint of vine rot, field fungus nose and organic compost finish. Juicy insect larval flavors dominate this earthy full-bodied entry, recalling lush ecologically beneficial nematodes and a substantial dose of smoky dry rot oak. Packaged in salvaged, vintage Nehi Grape beverage bottles from the 1950s and delivered by bicycle, this rising star of the socially savvy is the world's first truly environmentally correct fruit of the sour yet ever renewable grapevine.

Twin Peaks Pinot (Playboy Private Label) This is a ripe, robust nineteen-year-old Californian with cherry notes, firmly structured full-bodied profile with smooth texture, quite soft and rounded, bursting with the allure of succulent melons and subtle passion fruit nuances with a hint of tartness. Perfect nose, great legs. Convenient screw cap makes this one a no-brainer. Ideal companion for spicy breast of chick on a bed of rice. Has the class and breeding, if not the complexity, of more celebrated reds from the Valley

Libertarian House Brand (Fringe Fields Fermentory) This little-known label from a marginalized vintner has offered many a wine novice their first liberating taste of sovereignty. It's a bold, individualistic burst of flavor that breaks free of Old World tyranny to tantalize the tongue with fiery oratory, seduce the nose with scents of personal efficacy and finishes with a sensual surge of free will. Once tasted, never forgotten, this entry was preferred by 0.40% of voters in the November 4 presidential taste test.

Garry Reed, formerly The Loose Cannon Libertarian, is now writing as
The Dallas/Ft. Worth Libertarian Examiner at tiny URL: http://tinyurl.com/5m8pb6