Stop the wine press - politically correct wine reviews for the holidays

The holiday season is full of fun, family, festivities and, sadly, political correctness. So even as we observe the traditions of Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and Festivus and Winter Solstice and New Year's Eve and Chinese New Year and others too numerous or little known to number we continue to be creatures of political correctness.

Not only do we question which wine is correct for the occasion (does a wine from Brest go best with a turkey breast? What do you decant for a Santa's Day soirée? What is a quality quaff for Kwanzaa?) but we continue our angst over who we are and where we belong in the grand political-social-cultural scheme of things (A petite young radical Feminist would no more sip Mad Dog 20/20 than an aging white eyebrowed captain of industry would deign to incline a bottle of Ripple Red.)

With all this in mind, the following wine reviews are presented as a public service for those needing guidance through the vineyards of life.

Alzheimer-Geezer Blank 1938 (Vintage Vineyards) This AARP approved sipping wine features a heavy presence of prune and elderberry with the acidic bite of crabapple with Granny Smith nose. It's an old traditional tipple with macerated skins and thinning hair of the dog, heavily fortified with preserves, well fermented and aged with a 65-year maturation period. Good choice as a dining companion with beef jerky and tough old birds, but has little structure, no complexity, not much grip and devoid of character. Doesn't seem to improve with the years but should be kept in the cellar anyway.

Partie de Jaqasse Democratique (Blue State Estates) This deep purple port ("port" being a nautical term for "Left") with its bright berry nose and pretentious name makes it the darling of Blue State Denizens. Made of earthy recycled lees from a wide diversity of free range organic grapes, some tangy, some spicy, some acidic, some prickly and tart, all vie aggressively, and oppressively, for attention on the collective palate. With great complexity but little structure this hard to characterize wine may find its full-flavored body politic bent over a wine barrel.

Wine of Glory (Grapes of Wrath Vineyard and Christian Gift Shop) This 100% All American unfermented Republican Red State wine is a bright ruby-red with hints of strawberry Jell-O and a heavy whiff of old oaken bucket. Once touted for its richness and character, but now lacking structure and balance, this label, while boring, is still perfect with white bread or communal wafers.

Ruby di Begonia Chianti (Black Caucus Winery) An Incredible waxy dark licorice, both sassy and strong. Juicy blackberry flavors dominate this earthy full-bodied entry, recalling lush sloe-eyes and a substantial dose of smoky ebony. Shows a rush of upfront raspberry red sweetness that comes soft to the lips. Delivers ripe black booty fullness and firm black plums, smooth and round. Chocolate nuances appear in the finish. A wine with a feisty peppercorn attitude that is hard to resist.

Libertarian Labrusca (Free Will Winery) A magnificent blend of the best and boldest of the red and blue fruits of the vintner's endeavor, creating a uniquely personal experience. Great strength and character with a complexity and structure that allows each individual flavor and scent to pique the palate and nuzzle the nose. Not just for sipping and tasting, this wine of wines demands a joyous consumption by everyone everywhere as long as nobody else's grapes get trampled. Best quaffed with gusto at the Feast of Freedom.

Garry Reed is now writing as the Dallas/Ft. Worth Libertarian Examiner
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