The spirit of giving

I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year; perhaps due to the fact that in a long string of lean Christmas', this one seems to be the worst.

Thankfully, with all the new technology and internets, I can now give virtual presents without costing a dime! Thank you, Al Gore. So, without further ado, here are my gifts for Christmas 2007.

George W. Bush A father's love and respect; I have long thought poor lil' George behaves the way he does because he is merely acting out. I think he needs an industrial-strength hug. Oh, and some army men to play with (the little green plastic ones-not the real ones).

Dick Cheney A new heart, a real one this time-not an artificial one. One that is capable of feeling warmth, love and compassion. Also a trigger lock for his guns.

Laura Bush A reduction in her meds-seriously, that woman looks like a robot.

Condoleeza Rice A nice vacation at an upscale gay resort; she really needs to come out and unclench.

Michael Vick A trip to Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch. This is a place where Mike can learn the proper way to treat animals.

Mitt Romney See Laura Bush.

Rudy Guliani A guest spot on that uber-retarded show I Love New York; where two serial relationship morons can find true happiness.

Brittany Spears A clue. Ditto for that crying wuss Brittany Boy.

Predatory home loan companies 30 days in a homeless shelter. Oh, and the truly homeless get to stay in your McMansions for the same 30 days.

Michael Mukasey Water boarding for fun and profit.

Halliburton,KBR,Blackwater Fuck 'em and let 'em eat fish heads.

Students at VirginiaTech, mall shoppers The right to keep and bear arms; if only there were some kind of, say, Constitutional thingie that would guarantee they could protect themselves-that would be a great help.

Rush Limbaugh A nice, homemade, steaming bowl of STFU.

All the true freedom-loving, war-resisting, Constitution-upholding, civil-rights-adhearing, individual rights-supporting people the whole world over A very merry Christmas, joyous Kwanzaa, happy Hannakah, wonderful winter Soltice or whatever you celebrate. I will leave it to the master of saying what needs to be said in the most meaningful way, John Lennon:

Happy Christmas (war Is Over)

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over over
If you want it
War is over
Now...